Life Maze

Like in the movies...

2010-09-14T02:20:00.000-07:00

It's ironic.Life is ironic lately. You know the situation where he is double crossing the girlfriend only once and immediately she knows?That doesn't happen in real life. In real life,guys can have two distinct wives,kids and houses without the two realities crossing paths.It's said that girls just know when the are being lied to. It's true,you get a weird vibe from your other half. That's when bells start ringing in your ear like an alarm. Or it should.But sometimes love makes you stupid. Guys aren't like that. Or if they are,they prefer to not know for certain the truth. Girls with a bit of smarts can have the same "cheating privileges" as guys. Actually we can outsmart them if we use our mind to think rather than with our heart,like we usually do.Men fake relationships,love and sometimes a whole life.Women just fake an orgasm,a pregnancy,and yes,also a relationship.

I've changed. I've changed so much,but I still have that ounce of humanity not to fake.I just don't care to get romantically involved.Apparently guys love that.I guess there is a bit of masochism in everyone. This past few months taught me that when I am down in the gutter,the only friend who will truly be able to help me is..me. So I feel like I time traveled in the past,before I was 18,back to square one. The only difference now is that I know that I can pick myself up from almost any situation.And I don't believe in people anymore. I don't hope for that big break. I've seen how people of the same age are in general,and I don't think that natural selfishness will go softer over the years in them. If people help you at one point,they will expect eternal gratitude or poke your eyes out with their help. And honestly, I would rather skip that if possible.

Soon I'll start a new chapter in my life. Unfortunately, I know in the beginning I won't be able to make it on my on financially,but that only gives me more reason to double my efforts for independence. After all the disappointment I had with people,I don't care that much anymore about what whoever thinks of me. I just go with the flow.I try living as the saying :"Dream like you will never die,live like there's no tomorrow".
So I've made my choice. Now I'll have to live with it,accept it and move on.I'm dreaming of the time with no more drama in my life. It has been so much lately,it's getting ridiculous.

Iasi,here I come!

under construction

2010-03-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

we pretend.most of the time we do it without even realising. we pretend we are happy with our life,with our friends,with the new house that has or not a white picket fence.
we pretend that it's ok if our dreams don't come true.that it's ok if we start again,even thought we might feel so damn tired we just want to die.we pretend that the things the loved ones say to us and about us when angry don't hurt us.
we always say"he/she didn't mean it,it's just the anger speaking."But let's face it,most truths come out exactly in that time.in the rest of the time they are too afraid of breaking the fragile equilibrium of the relationship that they chose to tune out all the things that bug them about us.
we pretend we could get a "happy ending" when everything around us is breaking apart. How delusional can we be not to see the damages of the small(or big)quakes in our lives. Small fractures that can knock out all the air out of the chest when they hit.
I honestly am sick of pretending that everything is ok with me,with everything around me,when sometimes it seems that death is better than all this. At least i won't bother people with my "selfish and opportunistic"way of being. I miss my old house. In this one i feel like i'm vising a friend and staying the night.
And I'm lost...

'Tis the season...

2009-12-25T03:19:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas time again...Stepping back from the center of my life,i realize how things have changed since last Xmas.My parents finally start seeing me as an adult,I'm one semester away from graduating university...damn I'm getting old:) New year's just around the corner,so i have to draw the line for 2009 and see what adds up.
First,it's true what they say: the ppl you have next to u for NY are gonna be there with you the next year. Last year i spent New Year's with Andrei.This year,I'll be with him again,apart from my friends. I guess it doesn't matter where u spend the holidays.It matters with whom you spend it with.

This year I did a lot of things i thought I wouldn't do: I traveled alone to a foreign country(and I didn't even know the language spoken there), I used a telesky even though i am terrified of heights,I changed two jobs and made a lot of plans for the summer of 2010. I guess traveling alone in Romania(or abroad) made me more independent and confident I can manage myself in a new country totally alone. I have only a few months of living in Romania,so I have to think seriously about the new development my life will have and how this will change other ppl's lives.

From January a lot of things will stress me out: family, job, school(mostly), money...But if I stay on my feet in the end it will be all that counts. And I am so grateful for the friends I have now. I lost some along the way,but i gain new ones. I have the feeling that these friendships will last the test of time. Cause in the end,a friend will stick around through thick and thin,not run at the first sign of unhappiness. So I'm not sorry for the friends i lost along the way,especially from October,cause this made me realize they either need to grow up or get out of my life. I also realized real friends will be around you in difficult times at least in spirit,if physically is impossible.

So thank you for all your understanding and support! You are the family I chose too have.

Merry Christmas to all! May you be happy,healthy and young spirited all year long!

Happy Birthday to me!

2009-11-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

So many things can change you. Today i started the day drinking champagne..(it was my birthday not long ago:) ). After a night to remember,that started as boring,then the police showed up,and ended in the club and kisses. This shows that life is always surprising. I tried so hard to be sane,and ended up being a 15 year old(or so that's what ppl say:) ).I figured out who my friends are,how to enjoy life to the fullest..and enjoy what good things life gives u.Like a boy...it's better this way,less wrinkles for me:).I'm lucky i met these people now.Even though some leave,they won't leave my mind and soul. Now i feel truly young.At my b-day party i had almost all the nations:Portugal,Romania,China,USA,Japan,Germany, Turkey,Brazil, Spain,Jamaica,Georgia.It was fun..And friends who weren't there physically ..but still present by spirit. I learn Portuguese day by day.
Allan sang me the most beautiful song:Leoni-Garotos This will be always your song,Allan! And now i know who i can trust to be my friend(s). So..thank you all..with good and bad..this is my life!

Goodbye Coco

2009-11-23T13:11:00.000-08:00

"No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why "

The other day i found out that one of my friends passed away on the 21st. Cancer took him at the age of 23. When i found out that he died,i thought i was so damn selfish.We didn't talk so much in this passed year,because we were both so busy,so centered on our own lives that we forgot about our friendship. I am ashamed that i forgot about you Coco,and now it's too late to change that.
I remember how I was 17,he was 18, we were talking by messenger and saying"oh,how i would like to meet you in person" cause we were so much alike.He was one of my best friends.We both listened to Luna Amara,he comforted me when i was down and crying and i was calling him a "bursuc" as a sign of affection.He used to call me "Arici"(hedgehog). I was young and stupid and I had issues,and he was there for me.I was there for him when he needed a friend to talk too. He was the first person to tell me about AIESEC,he was so happy he got accepted into the organization.Now I feel ashamed I wasn't there for u Coco when u needed a friend,that i didn't know sooner about your health problems.
The best moments we shared when I visited Sibiu for the first time,and you showed me around,and it made me feel so happy and free.Like a child.I was so happy,excited that i was finally meeting you.
I will always remember you,and your smile...Thank you for being my friend.

Rest in Peace,Coco!

About me

2009-10-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

These two tests are courtesy of www.Kudika.ro and they are translated from Romanian. Enjoy!:)

Quiz: What element of the zodiac defines you?

Air - You have the gift of speech: communicative and organized in thinking and, furthermore,you have good ideas and arguments that support them. You are sociable, life of the party, and everybody knows why they gravitate around you - you have the talent to say exactly what it takes, when and to whom you should.

You have lots of friends because you don't bear to "burn the bridges" created with minuteness. When it comes to your own incentives, they are less related to the emotional side but more on the intellectual -you are on the wavelength that creates lasting friends, although you can fold on other kinds of issues, without much trouble. You shine, as a cup-of-coffee-philosopher!

Quiz:Are you easy to read?

Comedy is your effect on others

You like to laugh and to make the others laugh with you. No matter how sad or how heavy the sky appears tomorrow,you always succeed to identify the worst point and laugh at him. Therefore travel through life laughing.

For you there is no drama but comedy in perspective. Therefore you manage to pass safely over the moments of suffering.You consider that every action, be it good or bad, you learn something.No matter the results, at least you managed to laugh a little.

Your secret is faith in life and that you not take yourself very seriously. Bad things, like good things come and go but you stay with experiences which enriches you.Even if you do not always like to admit, you're an optimistic person.

As for others, everyone admire for your sense of humor and that you are one of the few people who have the courage to say what the rest think (and are afraid to say).

Title coming soon....

2009-10-08T08:33:00.001-07:00

I'm tired but i can't sleep now.If i sleep during the day,i won't sleep at night. So I chose to watch "Gossip Girl" instead.It's a new season,the third I think. Anyway,during episode 2 I had an "AHA" moment,and after that i felt like I've been a jerk to some people i care about. Backtracking on my last days,I realize that in any moment my life is going to have an 180 degree turn to the worst. "Might have" is a better way of saying for now. I discovered that money can and will "kill". I realized I took so many things in my life and my house for granted.Things that can go away tomorrow or in a week. I quit making long term plans,cause i don't know what tomorrow might bring.It's like the "Damocles Sword" over my head. If it falls,it will fall over all my family,changing all our lives radically.
But that's not the point here.*And no,i don't want to talk about it. At all.*
The point is that I have to apologize to the people i judged for failing school.Sometimes you can't understand other people's situation until you are faced with it. It took me so long to imagine myself in Catalin's situation..and I feel so bad about it. He had a hard life so far,and here I come all high and mighty on my princess horse and judge him for failing one study year,so he could work and maintain his family. I'm truly sorry for that Catalin!
I feel like a jerk to you.
It all surprised me so much,and after this past days I think i will change. Be stronger. Just in case i need to manage myself alone. So far i was "Mother Teresa" for anyone that needed me,caring less about myself. Now I will put myself first from time to time,although i might feel guilty,or find it selfish.But in the end,I can't live for others. I have to start living for myself.

Befriending an alien

2009-09-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

These weeks I been having a big pain in my ass...It's 181 cm,dark short here,goofy smile and a piercing in the left eyebrow. Not the "tall dark and handsome"type either. But somewhat,and don't ask me why,i enjoy spending time with him. Although most of our time together is spent on irony,sarcastic jokes and making fun of one another.
Since he came to Galati,almost 2 weeks ago,with an Erasmus scholarship,I've been trying to make him feel at home. I know how he feels,being alone in a country where u don't know the language(it happened to me also in Cyprus) and if not for Nubi and a few other,the trip would have been frustrating.So that's why i am trying to help him as much as I can while he stays here,in my hometown.
We first met on Couch Surfing when he posted a message on the Galati group about his arrival here. I read his message later,cause i rarely check the weekly email with the digest for the group. Anyway,i read his message,replied without looking at his profile pic(i was at work then) and exited the website. When i got home i got a closer look at him,the first word that came into mind was "junkie"(sorry Marco)..after that i spanked myself mentally..and another word came into mind.."monk". Overall,I had no idea what to expect from him,but i gave him some basic advice on how to survive his trip until Galati.
When we met in person he was in worst shape as in the picture..and i was like WOW..he's old(he's 26,but looked much older).After that,slowly day by day,i started knowing him(analyzing would be a better word for it),i noticed he's more like me than i think. Last night it was definitely and "Ahaaa" moment for me. We were out drinking a beer and i noticed some aspects that i missed before...like the fact that he's human in some ways. He gets excited when he talks about South Park or Family Guy, he even cares for me now that he knows the X-Ray of my life. It was like a vale just collapsed..and the real Marco appeared.(no,it wasn't because he shaved :) ).
And I noticed he has some "glitches" in the system so slowly i want to fix them. Cause this trip has to be a life changing experience for him,he wants that,but he is missing his goal sometimes. That's why i push his limits in some moments,to make him realize what he wants/feels.
You can't go through life in a bubble Marco. But you have Roads to choose from.So choose wisely!

Farewell

2009-09-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

There's only one tear in the corner of the right eye.That's all that's left.At first there were rivers and a deep hole inside. It seemed funny that the more i cried,the deeper the hole,the more i wanted to cry.It was like an never ending story. But life went on,and with the job and the traveling and the friends,the river became a stream...and slowly dried up to one single tear. Sometimes out of the blue i would start crying,especially if i would hear a song that reminded me of him.of us.and all that i could think about is that there is no more us. never will be. The moment you fear the person u once loved with all yourself,everything ends.Because fear overcomes trust and love and everything good you had turns into madness. I know i can't go back now,although I wish I could sometimes. When I start wishing,a stitch from my wound would break,freeing another little stream of tears. I really would like if u could just "touch my tears with your kiss,touch my wall with your fingertips"and we could have forever.But that's not possible anymore.I can't hide anymore from life,although I don;t know how it will be now without you.Behind my laugh there will always be a tear because of you.You were my all and now i have to heal myself alone. But i'm not sorry. I grew with you and we grew together. These years spent together were the happiest for me. I'm sorry I made you cry and broke you.And I'm sorry we hurt each other so much.
This is my goodbye to you.And a farewell song just for you: Queen-Who wants to live forever.

The Beef Stories

2009-09-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

When i left Romania on the plane,heading to Istanbul i had no idea that so much will happen...and that it would be an interesting (to say the least) experience.
As soon as I arrived in Istanbul,I was thinking..."damn what a huge airport".So civilized,so clean...so not Romanian;) The plane trip was also a big surprise,cause we had food provided by nice stewards;) and nice music.Some Ukrainian guy tried to pick me up in the plane,but his English resumed to "hey baby,do u speak Russian? No Ukrainian either?:(" So i blew him off easily.
I landed in Ercan(Ergean-pronunciation)Airport around midnight,with the guys waiting for me for an hour almost. By the way,Firaz and Aycan,if u ever read this,thank you! You were the first guys i met and u are so nice to me. We went to Firaz's car...where another big surprise.I wanted to sit on the right,where in normal Europe is the passenger seat...Not in Cyprus it seems,cause Aycan asked me if i wanted to drive...I was puzzled,thinking "what Turkish sense of humor" but then i noticed that the steering wheal was on the right,not on the left as i imagined. Still thinking that the people there are weird to drive "in a mirror" with Europe,i entered the back seat.
We stopped to drink a coffee with other participants and organizers,and i was thinking that things were looking up,but guess what..? not a chance..it went downhill..when we arrived there,all of them were speaking Turkish,and i felt like i landed on the moon. Thank God for Nubi and Marija that spoke English.Nubi was the guy that always kept me posted with the news about Silverlight Code Camp,and Marija was my roomate-to-be.But it was very nice to see Aydan and Mehmet(Mec Mec) again.
The following day,we(Romania-me and Turkey-participants) went to the beach. Later came Nubi with other 3 participants:Hungary represented by Ferri the hot playboy,Germany with Hannah and Philip,the shy and cute guy.Later came Merve(right from Izmir) and Erman from Eskişehir.And the gang was ready for classes and fun.We stayed almost all day at the beach,eating donner and drinking ayran.There was a lot of flirting going on on the beach...and not only there:D..In the night we had the "Welcome" party,where Aydan lost 4 times at Rock Paper Scissors..(4 times=4 shots of votka)..After that we had a pool party..and i ended up being thrown in the pool with my sandals on..everybody either jumped in or were thrown in the pool...It was definitely a lot of fun.
Next day everybody was wasted,and cursing(live or in thought) poor Nubi who was assigned as a babysitter for us.We left for breakfast,Marija dancing half the way and laughing with me,considering we were the only ones "alive". Turkish breakfast resembles a bit to the Italian,meaning kinda "light".
Then we went to classes,almost lost 3 of the participants due to sleep deprivation.:)
And that was everyday.
To make the long story short,everybody hooked up with everybody...some where upfront with it,like some "neightbours" of Romania...others where sneaky and quiet,like "the most high tech country" in Europe. It was more complicated at one point than "Gossip Girl"..I felt like it..Or Sex and the City...If I could compare characters from that show(Sex&the city)i would say:Marija=Samantha,Nubi-Miranda,Mec Mec=Charlotte and me=Carry.
This small "gang" kept me grounded when the beef turned into a cow,and when the beef was gone. Marija was right.Guys are always up for a score,and if they are nice,that means they "locked"on the target and ready to pull the trigger. Guys are players.I could see that in Cyprus.One day they were in Turkey,then they went to Germany .So girls,watch out:the nicer the guys are,the more likely it is they want to "shoot"you!:) Just pray they are shooting "blanks".
But i got some news for u guys..I "played"u like chess,and i won. So with me it's not so easy to score:)

I'm only sorry that a guy made me cry because of a stupid situation with "language barrier".But i guess it wasn't worth it,no? As Nubi said,there is only Beef in this situations:)

Will be continued..

Mara

2009-09-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

At first i wanted to write about my trip to Cyprus...but something else impressed me.In the train back from Bucharest to Galati there was a mom and her girl.She was 7.but from the way she acted and talked she must have been 27 of "age".Her mom was busy with crosswords so the girl,Mara,was running around and doing mayhem. At first i was annoyed because i was tired from the long trip back and wanted to sleep...but after i saw that her mom treated her like she was already a grown-up..i stuck around.
Snotty at first,but after some time we got along ok...so she was playing on my phone being quiet. She loved the attention from her mom,except she wasn't offering any.i understand ur kid is bad or bratty,but when she comes to hug and kiss u as a parent,it's wrong to deny her. Looking at both of them it was quite funny...she was the mini replica of her mom...in everything...face,blazed attitude...
I wonder what it will happen to her as she grows into a teenager..But i can't forget the way her smile made her a child again...
Mara enjoy your childhood..

Back in Bussiness

2009-08-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

In this long silence period on the blog, a lot happened...The highlights are New job..and no boyfriend.

The final call... is always waited at work.I now have a 8 h job that implies meeting and talking to new people around the world every day.By phone. I feel like i just landed in an old Gestapo building. A draconian boss,some snitches..and us the victims.It's like a play,good being ruled by evil. I can imagine my boss as a female version of Mussolini or Hitler.Oh,no mustache or bald head.Instead,long legs with heels that step on your neck if u screw up,nice body and blond hair.You could be fooled by her siren song,but when the mask falls,she's like Medusa..Petrifying the unfortunate that is in front of her. The snitches could be mistaken as "one of the gang",except for the brown nose. They are the sick version of Rudolf. It's a good legal pay,but sometimes i wonder "what if i just quit?".
The Microsoft Camp is a wonder for me.From the acceptance note,to the ticket buying..It was a hopeless quest at the begging...now a dream almost realized.I'm almost there:) On the 26 of august wish me luck! Cyprus,I can't wait to be there...
When the knife hits the bone you say stop..That's what basically happened to me and my ex. No romantic ending,no flowers and soapy love songs. Just a placid "Bye" after hours of screams and tears.I guess i'm "back on the market". I'm the new entry for this summer. I really hope I can close all my wounds,and heal my scars. If i had to draw my spiritual self now, it would have a smile on the face,but a hole in the heart.And a lot of bruises and scars.I'm curious what my future will bring,but i'm pretty confident I will survive:)
My Zen Song is Rui no Canon. Enjoy!

P.S. Life is hard,but you can survive it on your own as well..If you have fallen,pick yourself up and move on. "If it's broken part,replace it..If it's a broken arm,then brace it..If it's a broken heart then face it". Everything will be fine.

Back to square one

2009-07-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

After a long absence,I'm back...
Let's say after this summer i will come out a lot stronger...cause i had to face some really big down...but now that i am at the bottom of the pond,all i can do is swing towards the sky.It was a difficult period for me..almost everything i wish for,and worked for so hard,ended up in ashes.
But after today,I realized I don't need to dream big to be happy.I saw happiness in the eyes of the kids in Mastacani,when they were creating jewelry out of polymeric clay(Amos-google it). They didn't need a special background,special people around them...they were happy just playing and being there with us,me and Cynthia. The kids tried so hard to make us smile,it ashamed me for being sad over my broken dreams.
I had so much fun with them,I almost forgot all the rest. It made me miss my innocence...when i wasn't thinking about money,my future...
Right now I'm at a crossroad and I'm scared I will make a wrong choice. Talking to my childhood friend made me realize how much i was betting on this summer to change my life,and now that's not possible anymore...I feel lost...And it's scary.
But in the end,nothing really matters right now...I want to be happy.

Random part 2

2009-05-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

Sesiunea si pre sesiunea bat la usa...iar eu ca studenta (ne)silitoare ce sunt,ma scufund in bloguri online si plimbari prin oras. Ce am mai descoperit zilele astea:

Piticigratis scrie mai bine pe blogul lui decat in Catavencu... Mister Radu s-ar putea sa imi dea o cashpica verbala pt afirmatia asta,zicand "e firesc sa fie asa,blogul meu e spatiul propriu de descarcare a gandurilor creatoare si neortodoxe pe care Academia Catavencu nu vrea sa le publice/dea salariu pe ele". Si are dreptate...dar ca sa imi sustin afirmatia spun ca din toata seria de articole scrie/filmate(:-D) de el,am ras sanatos doar la unul singur..si anume asta. Si ca sa iti stric putin imaginea(sper sa nu fie cu suparare) de baiat rau pe care o au fanii blogului tau (aia care te vad la fel de rau si perfid in exprimare ca Loki),marturisesc sincer ca esti baiat ok...spre surprinderea mea. Da cred ca motanu bland zgarie rau pana la urma,nu? :)
Daca s-ar face un film dupa viata de zi cu zi a familiei mele,cred ca ar depasi ca rating serialul "La bloc" si ar fi mai funny(tragi-comic mai exact) decat "Familia Bundy". Pentru detaliile aventurilor mele zilnice din cripta,ma gasiti voi cumva.
Dupa ce am vazut o reluare de la "In gura presei",domnul Mircea Badea mi-a devenit profund antipatic.De ce? Pentru ca e arogant si prefera sa jigneasca/ironizeze persoane care nu au nici o treaba cu el. Acum inteleg de ce l-ar "iubi" lumea prin toate orificiile cu bata de baseball din aluminiu. Intrebare pentru domnu Badea: daca tot va este profund antipatica blogosfera romaneasca,de ce v-ati mai facut blog?
Am mai realizat faptul ca nu mai suport caldura la fel de bine ca in tinerete. Azi am umblat cam 3-4 h in caldura(sa zicem 25-29 de grade)si era sa ma duc dracu'. Deci imbatranesc.
Ah,si dupa cum observati,nu mai scriu in engleza.o perioada o sa o las mai moale cu engleza. nu pentru ca nu as stii sa dialoghez/monologhez,ci pentru ca vorbesc prea mult in engleza.si daca o sa imi iasa anumite planuri,o sa ma satur de ea pana peste urechi(prietenii stiu de ce).

Cam atat pentru acum.

The curse of being who I am

2009-05-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened this weekend...in fact,in this whole period.Good and bad.But i will save some for later posts.
I want to talk to you now about something else. I just finished seeing a movie called "Penelope".A sweet,fairy tale-ish love story,about a girl cursed by a witch with a pig nose.After many troubles she gets a happy ending. That movie got me thinking. I think me and Penelope are somewhat alike. Well,i am not phisically challenged,but i am cursed.Cursed by being Romanian. I love being Romanian,i am proud of my origins. I just hate being rejected of my nationality.For those who don't know,I am applying for internships abroad for the summer. I am getting sick of being said "Oh,sorry..we need native English speakers" when the company didn't specify that at first.or "we found someone else,but we lost the follow ups after Easter"..For crying out loud,stop lying and bullshiting me. Or some just don't reply.It's rude.
I am starting to think I will never get my happy ending. I hate hopeing for some glimps of happiness...for a fair company. Guess the world is full of bullshitters.
Oh,and for that certain person that is supposed to help me,but instead is randomly making it worse:Stop helping if you don't know/care what you are doing.You are f**** around with my life/future.
If you didn't notice,I'm mad at the world.

Ice cream,movies and memories

2009-04-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

Ok,quick question: What do "Camp Rock","Raise your voice" and "Angus,Thongs and a Perfect Snogging" have in common(besides Disney :) )? Well,they are all "Kiddie" movies.They're great if you are up to 15-16 years old,'cause they talk about first love,true friends and accepting yourself.

What if you're not 15,but 21? Then why are they great to watch? For me,it's the perfect way to unwind...What boyfriend problems,what acting all grown up? These are the perfect "pills" for your sorrows.For some time i was a bit ashamed that i was watching this type of movies at my age,but underneath the child surface and the morals,it's the best way to remember about how your first love felt,with the thrills and the downs,how true friends aren't always so true,and that basically you have to keep your mind and heart open for positive thoughts and/or people.

If ginseng is good for your body ,to keep it young and fit,then the junior version of the "chick flicks" is the remedy for an aging spirit.
I remembered how much i miss me,the child version,my friends,the way i felt when i first felt in love,and mostly,how far i've drifted from my true self.
I miss my high school friend Amina,with whom I 'surfed' the modeling phase,enjoyed talking about boys we liked or gossiping about the "IT girl"group.I guess now true friends truly show:they split up after the ending of high school,we stuck together,even though there is a 400 euros flight between us :) . So this Vanilla Chocolate Ice cream goes out to you Amina,and to the times when we were skinny and "models". I miss you!

So,to wrap it up,my recommendation for a great night:Ice cream,"Camp Rock"(or similar) and (girl)friends. It's the perfect combo anti-wrinkles and anti-stress..and guess what? It's (almost) free! So what are you waiting for?

The importance of being idle

2009-03-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

OK,so..I know i haven't been updating my blog...I guess I'm getting lazy.
At first,I wanted to write about why you SHOULDN'T go by low cost from Romania to anywhere. Don't get me wrong,it's not about the service,or the plane,or the fact that a 0.3l cola can costs 2.5 euros. I could live with that,and buy some water before i fly.No,the worst about the low cost flights is(not surprisingly) the people.Why the people? Because they are uninformed peasants(or gypsies),or lame pitzi girls that act/think(both not possible) that they are the beauty queens of the world.I admit I'm not Miss Universe,but at least i don't wear the stupid clothes they wear.One of the stupidest things i heard in a airport(Baneasa in Bucharest) was: "Madrid is in Italy?". I was really tired(it was 4 am),but when i heard that i was "like wtf mate??".Ok,so I was like a kid (it was my first time flying),but at least i was decent(and looked like a tom-boy,so nothing special there). Except for the feeling you get when you look at the city(or mountains) from way up high,there isn't anything special about flying(especially low cost).You are just stuck several hours at 20000 m altitude(more or less) with all sorts of people(mostly not from the smart bunch) that sometimes forget the invention of the deodorant.
So, Don't flight low cost from Romania.oh,and don't buy food/drinks from the airport,it's a rip-off.
Skiping to other ideas,like what i have been doing these days.Well,I met with friends,went to classess(I guess that's why it's been sunny lately here :) ),and of course,watched anime/dramas in Japanese/Chinese. It's surprising how fast you can learn a new language if you just pay attention to what/how people talk.I watched some movies,series and hung out with school mates. So basically I procrastinated.I know that i have to study for 2 exams that i have to retake in april,but i can't help it.Student life is sooo sweet.Damn.
I want to help people,to get involved in something.But nothing seems to catch my eye yet. But i miss my friends that are abroad.How i wish i could visit them.
So,any suggestions on spare time projects?

Back to the future..

2009-03-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

...but i would rather be in the past.a week or so ago to be more exact.
I was in Cosenza,Italy in that week and i spent the time of my life.I met a great group of people,weaither they were called "participants" or "organizers". Thank you Mehmet for the raki and the great time you offered me. Thanks Aydan for sharing your fun personality with me,i really hope we can meet once again soon. Duygun,you showed me how exacting night life can be,with your crazy dance moves and exuberating nature. Blaz(or "sister Blaj") you were like my brother and my "dealer ",a big hug goes out to you,and i will definately send someone in Maribor for your workshop.Good luck with it!
and now...for a bit of italian i learned there:

Grazie Pierluigi, Marco, Massimo, Germano per me e Andrei mostrando la vera ospitalità italiana. Damiano, si prega di non modificare la tua follia, che sempre mi ha sorriso. Ciriaco, vi sono una grande persona, lei è un piccolo gigante con un grande cuore.Grazie per aver scelto di fare di me a capire meglio la natura italiano.now temo non ci more.Hope tenersi in contatto e avrà l'onore di mostrare Galati così come mi avete dimostrato Cosenza.
Alessa, il tuo cuore caldo splende più vivaci rispetto alla bellezza del corpo, quindi non perdere mai la.that 's che cosa ti rende così speciale. E per ultimo, ma non meno importante, Angela.Tu childishness è davvero una grande forza, perché rende scuro cielo brillare ancora una volta, quindi non smettere di essere yourself.Grazie a tutti noi per il trattamento come di amici di tutta la vita!

Translation:

Thank you Pierluigi,Marco,Massimo,Germano for showing me and Andrei the true Italian hospitality. Damiano,please don't change your craziness,it will always make me smile. Ciriaco, you are a great person,you are a small giant with a big heart.Thank you for making me understand better the Italian nature.now i fear no more.Hope we will keep in touch and will have the honor to show you Galati as well as you showed me Cosenza.
Alessa,your warm heart shines more brightly than the beauty of the body,so don't ever lose that.that's what makes you so special. And last,but not least, Angela.Your childishness is truly a great virtue,because it makes a dark sky shine again,so don't stop being yourself.Thank you everyone for treating us like life long friends!

City of Change

2009-02-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

Bucharest...A great big city in Romania.the capital,ground zero..whatever you may call it.I've been there so many times,and always thinking it would be the last time.It's the city closest to my heart,because it was there I experienced so many beautiful things,but also bad ones.Joys and heartbreaks alike.The city saw me growing,and in the end,it's just like me:always nice and beautiful on the outside,hiding all the ugliness and pain deep down the narrow streets of the outskirts.It's the city of change,strange,diverse and thriving with life.You must have a strong gut and lugs of steel to live there,that's why i don't envy the people living in it.There you can be in a huge crowd and still feel terribly alone,and if you're not careful,it might drain your soul.I've seen so many different personalities,races,religious people or not in Bucharest.That's what i love about it:every day it's different,and you can see miracles from time to time in places you have never imaged before.It's always been for me just a pit stop on my way elsewhere,but i never get tired of going there.
Because it's the City of Change. And Everybody's changing , including me.

Wonderful moments

2009-02-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

There are some moments in life you cherish and remember fondly.
Tonight i experienced one of there rare moments of family bonding. My dad was especially happy today,because he received a call from an ex faculty colleague,announcing the 30 years faculty graduation reunion.Just now we spent the most fun and interesting hour and something discussing random things,remembering fun facts and situations from the past,talking about people.I was fascinated to find out all the crazy things my dad did when he was my age,how dorm life used to be..how great friendships can truly last a lifetime.And lastly,but not the least important,i found out how similar to my dad i am,as personality and way of thinking,and how well we can get along sometimes.In the end,leaving all the bullshit and the mundane life aside,my dad is just a regular person,who needs to talk and laugh with someone once and a while,to fill up on the "social food".I always admired my father for his intelligence and will power,and how we could get this far on his own,and wanted to be like him..He was my childhood hero along with my grandmother,and a role model for professional ambition.But seeing him tonight so human didn't make me think he was weak,it made me realize how much he does care about us,and that only made me feel that it was the right choice for a role model.
Thank you for those wonderful moments spent togheter tonight.

One Day,One Room

2009-02-04T14:58:00.000-08:00

Life is just a series of rooms,and who we got stuck in the rooms with adds up to what are lives are.

Inspiration

2009-02-04T14:55:00.000-08:00

Baz Luhrmann---Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

If I could offer you one tip for the future, sunscreen
would be it. The
long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the
rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own meandering
experience... I will dispense this advice now

Enjoy the power and beauty of you youth; oh,
nevermind, you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until
they've faded. But trust
me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way
you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous
you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine

Do not worry about the future; or worry, but know that
worrying is as
effective as trying to solve and algebra equation by
chewing bubblegum. The
real toubles in life are apt to be things that never
crossed your worried
mind; the kind the blindsides you an 4pm on some idle
Tuesday

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Do not be reckless with other peoples hearts. Do not
put up with people who
are reckless with yours

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're
ahead, sometimes you're
behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself

Remember compliments you recieve. Forget the
insults. If you suceed in doing
this, tell me how

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank
statements

Stretch

Do not feel guilty if you don't know what you wanna do
with your life,...
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
what they wanted to do
with their lives, some of the most ineresting 40 year
olds I know still
don't

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're
gone

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll
have children, maybe you
won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance
the funky chicken at
your 75th wedding anniversary.... Whatever you do,
don't congratulate
yourself too much or berate yourself either - your
choices are half chance,
so are everybody else's

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can... don't be
afraid of it, or what
other people think of it... it's the greatest instrument
you'll ever own

Dance... even if you have nowhere else to do it but in
your own living room

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them

Do NOT read beauty magazines they will only make
you feel UGLY

Get to know your parents, you never know when they
might be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; They're your best link to your
past, and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future

Understand that friends come and go, except for the
precious few you should
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
and lifestyle because the
older you get, the more you need the people you knew
when you were young

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes
you hard. Live in
Northern California once, but, leave before it makes
you soft

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise,
Politicians will
philander, you too will get old. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when
you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians
were noble, and children
respected their elders

Respect your elders

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe
you'llhave a trust fund,
maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never
know when either one might
run out

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's
40, it will look 85

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with
those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past
from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly
parts, and
recycling it for more than its worth

But trust me on the sunscreen

Pain

2009-02-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

(From my Y360 blog;August 11,2008)

Romana:

Uneori durerea sufleteasca isi poate trimite ecourile atat de puternic,incat trupescul le resimte ca socurile unui cutremur interior...Niste "replici" ale unui eveniment nevazut de ochiul uman...Cata durere poate aduna un suflet,fara sa se vada in exterior?Poti oare zambi cand inauntru te darami,asa cum o apa limpede ascunde adancimi periculoase?Ce ciudat e sentimentul de usurare ce preceda aparitia lacrimilor,de parca ai fi inghitit un leac miraculos ce iti vindeca ranile inimii... Cand stii ca ai facut o alegere buna,desi pe moment simti ca esti mort pe dinauntru?...Esti doar un vas gol..

Translation: (English)

Sometimes the pain inside the soul can send it's echoes so strongly,that the physical feels them as the shock of an interior earthquake..How much pain can one soul gather,without showing on the outside?Can you smile when you're crumbling,as a clear water hides dangerous depths?It's weird how at ease you feel after tears show up,as if you had swallowed a miracle drug that heals the wounds of the heart.When do you know you made a good choice,even though on the inside you feel as dead? You are just an empty vessel...

21-thoughts

2009-02-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

(Source: My yahoo 360 blog;Nov 29,2008)

E ciudat cum imi pot aminti cu claritate locuri, intamplari sau persoane pe care le-am trait/cunoscut cu multi ani in urma,dar nu imi pot(sau poate nu vreau?)aminti ce am facut acum o saptamana,o luna..un an..oare are legatura cu faptul ca tanjesc dupa inocenta dintai,capacitatea de a simti,de a trai sentimentele...am fost naiva,si au fost situatii triste ce au decurs din asta...cel mai mult sunt suparata pe mine...pentru ca EU sunt propria mea responsabilitate...sper sa nu dezamagesc persoanele dragi mie,dar mai ales,...sa nu MA dezamagesc...
urasc blazarea in care ma adancesc,pentru ca nu poate iesi ceva bun din asta...urasc sa ma plafonez..mai ales sentimental......i hate...

Translation:

It's weird how i can remember clearly places,events or people i experienced/knew long ago,but i can't(or won't?) remember what i did a week,a month,a year ago...Does it connect with the fact that i long for my innocence,the capacity to feel,to live those feelings...I have been naive and there were sad circumstances as a repercussion to that..I am the most upset with me...because I am my on responsibility..i hope i won't disappoint my loved ones,but especially not to disappoint myself.
I haTe the numbness i sink into,because there can't be anything good out of it..I hate to stagnate..especially on the sentimental level..I hate..

Life Maze

2009-02-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

(A transcript from my yahoo 360 blog):

Hmm...i am thinking of so many things...experiencing so many thoughts...it's like a big maze...closing around me...
i feel like I'm disappointing people...people i care about...
today i found out that it takes very little time to shake things you thought to be unshakable...like beliefs..like faith...feelings...people can have strange effects on you...one simple discussion can change at 180 degrees the way you look at things...even your life...and you find yourself wondering what life has REALLY in store for you...what is your true destiny( even though i never believed in that)...
I really need someone to talk to...someone that won't be hurt by my words,by my thoughts...someone who won't judge...I'm very aware that i probably won't find that person...but i keep my faith in that...maybe miracles do happen sometimes for mortals...

in the end that's life...one BIG MAZE...

Random thoughts....

2009-01-29T13:18:00.000-08:00

A thousand thoughts are running in my mind...

I always tried to stay true to myself..No matter of what others may think or say..I know who I am..I never opened myself too much..especially my heart..i trusted people that have hurt me in the end...Past,present and future dance in front of me...I remember lost friends..the fun times we had..how we grew up together...the good and the bad we shared..It was easier sharing feelings and pain with the "loved" ones...i thought it will last forever...but,as all in life,it ended. and that left a big emptiness inside..It seems impossible sometimes how much pain can one take,how much disappointment.and you know why? because there is that hope that in the end all will be ok.that all will end happily ever after,like in the fairy tales. Soon you realize that life isn't like that.Once someone dear betrays you,or hurts you..it's no turning back.even if you forgive and forget,there will always be that shadow,that black spot over the two of you. the same is with love.at first you love with all your being,giving the best of you,sacrificing all for that special one that fills the emptiness failed relations and lost friends left inside.When reality slaps you in the face,you try and compromise with it,almost begging for your happiness. struggling to get out alive of life,as someone once said. Once that fails,you assume defeat and carry on,but changed.You become a lil' more though,stronger and harder to break. You promise to yourself that next time you won't make the same mistakes as the last time,that you will be more mature and careful.

As a special someone returned to my life,i tried so hard to convince myself that this time things would change for the better.Now i realize that once the magic is broken,you can't go back.Things will never be the same. It's not the same love,not the same people. I changed,he changed. Still I can't recover the love i had for him from the "recycle bin".But it's the comfort that all is good.still my heart sometimes says that it's not ok,that i am not meant to be here. I don't know what i am meant to do,what is my purpose? I don't know if i will ever feel the same way i did for him. I had hopes of sharing a future together,but now it's all gone...Why can't it just be good?Why does my consciousness have to kick in.saying it's wrong?
I'm not a pessimist. I see my future quite pink:) But right now i am so confused...it becomes a weight on my soul. what should i do?
But,as Metallica says, in the end,nothing else matters but you.

quick note

2009-01-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

Hey!

for all the people that follow my blog and saw that i haven't been posting for a while...Sorry,but I will be pretty busy studying for the "lovely" period of exams... All those who are in college/faculty/etc already know what i am referring to..
So..wish me luck,so i can get out of this stressful period alive:)

Cheers!

P.S.I found a way to de-stress myself. look!(click the picture to enlarge).:)

Vice

2009-01-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

I was reading in the newspaper about a famous Romanian TV Host and her relations with men. When i was looking at the picture and also reading the article the first thought was "Vice".You all know what that is: THE thing that gives you the ultimate feeling,the ultimate bliss.Almost anything can become a vice: food,coffee,sex,cigarettes..Her vice were men.She loved having relationships with guys. The great and most elusive thing of Vices is the instant feeling you get after having the usual doze of your favorite vice: the feeling of being carefree,of utter bliss,of relaxation.Sometimes is is the opposite:the alert state you get after drinking coffee...the awaking of your senses.Most of the times you feel all powerful,all knowing...and you don't care what are the long term effects of your vice. The most powerful vice of them is LOVE.It has the longest effect and also sometimes the most devastating awakening.And it is the more dangerous because after every fall you want another shot at it,thinking this time it won't hurt you as much...that this time will be for good,the "happily ever after" you always read in the fairy tales..written by the same kind of people...folks like you in desperate search of another "fix" of love.the only difference is that they used the feeling and lived their lives in the fairy tales,faking hope for other generations for millennial to come.they used their "withdrawal" from love and channeled it into the imaginary,hoping maybe to be immortal in the process.Because that is the ultimate prize of love:immortality through offspring..

I love my vices,what about you? Tell me,what is your ultimate bliss-giving VICE?

Memories.Thank you for existing

2009-01-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

Today was an interesting day..so to say..

It started with me dreaming of every kinds of people i knew(or not) until now:high school, junior high,friends and loved ones..departed relatives...and i ended up in my old high school...with my best friend and ex school colleague and my actual boyfriend...but the school was on the bottom of the sea...funny think is that it wasn't flooded,but squids came and gone through it as if they were swimming..anyways i woke up crying my eyes out...it seems that if you cry in your sleep,you actually cry in real life also..so i woke up with tears on my face and a big headache..after 2-3 cups of coffee it got better..I was thinking"it's definitely a bad day for science today"..I was in for a surprise...more than one...and not all pleasant..

The first one came from a very good friend of mine,whom i haven't seen in ages,because of various reasons.She(Raluca) wanted to meet for a drink later on..and to ask another friend of ours(Ionut) to join...i called him,he said he would come at that hour...i watched some episodes of "Kyle XY",a tv series i like,and i had to get ready to meet my friend(s)...Of course she came...he didn't..Big surprise there...:)

Anyways,me and Raluca sat in a caffe and we talked for two hours straight,trying to cover the 7 months we haven't seen each other..She was so different,but in a positive way..Talking to her I realised how much we both had changed in this time..I've known her forever...And today I saw how we had grown...for little girls that talked a lot,to young women on the verge of finishing faculty and starting a new life on our owns..Time does flight by,no?

Another surprise came in school...I had to present i project i read on the spot..with a huge headache...definitely not a good surprise...as i said..not a good day for science..

After school my boyfriend told me that he is going out with friends,and he would be out late...so i was out of the question...i got upset and hung up...my head had a life of it's own by now...

I got home,same bla bla about school and exams from my parents...watched Kyle again..
I was browsing the blogs of some people i know,when i found out a link to this song. Suddenly all the memories i had in the past few months regarding Devin and Bryan(two Mormon missionaries) started popping up in my head...it was like watching a movie of great times we spent together..and how happy i was back then...Now Devin is in Sibiu,and i lost touch with Bryan..Friends do come and go,don't they?

Speaking of foreign friends,i talked tonight with a very good friend of mine,Emily. I really missed talking to her..You are a great person Em,and i hope i will be as happy as you are..and as good of a person you are...thank you for being there when i needed it..every time..

And let's not forget the great people of ICPS: Alisa,Masato,Abu,Bettina,Yum Yum,Ernesto,Kuz...thanks guys for making that conference the best experience i had in AIESEC(and the best Birthday)!

So today was truly a trip down memory lane that left me with a drop of happiness in my heart,like honey in a honeycomb. Thank you all!

The 8 Irresistible Principles of Fun

2009-01-08T02:58:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I want to post here the 8 principles i found to be the most useful for a happier life.A good friend of mine showed them at a conference and i am still grateful she did.They are called "The 8 Irresistible Principles of Fun"(these are the links you can find the video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=37339314220&oid=34832314653 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB43N0v7Eh4 ):

1.Get focused. Stop hiding who you really are.take time to figure out what makes up your DNA.When it comes down to it,what do YOU stand for? "Always be a first-rate version of yourself,instead of being a second rate version of someone else"J.Garland

2.Get focused.Start being intensely selfish.Get hungry for the things that are truly important to you.Think of the people you respect and love, the moments you relish,the impact you want to have,the legacy you want to leave.Don't waste your time on anything else. "When you come down to it,all you have is yourself.All the rest is nothing" P.Picasso

3.Be creative! Stop following the rules.With the exception of gravity,all the rules are negotiable,someone just makes them up. "If you obey all the rules,you will miss out on a lot of fun" K.Hepburn

4.Be Creative! Start scaring yourself. Explore your edges,dip your toe in the bold,the outrageous,and the unthinkable.Seek out and have adventures. "Men wanted for hazardous journey.Small wages.Bitter cold.long months of darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful." E.Shackleton

5.Use your wisdom.Stop taking all so damn seriously.In this moment,is it a life or death decision?In 10 years,will you remember what you were fretting about? In 100 years,will anyone care?So lighten up,this too will pass." Don't take life too seriously.You won't get out of it alive" E.Hubbard.

6.Use your wisdom. Start getting rid of the crap.Think of all the stuff that's weighting you down and getting in the way.Not just the things,the habits,the people,the memories,the attitudes.Get rid of that clutter. "Knowledge is the process of piling up facts.Wisdom lies in their simplification."M.L.King.

7.Take action. Stop being busy. Being busy is seductive just because you are going flat out.Doesn't mean you are on the right track.If it's the wrong hole,stop digging. "We are lost,but we are making good time" Y.Berra

8.Take action. Start something.Don't wait any longer for permission to do what you want to do.There are always reasons to procrastinate just a bit longer. Enough! Just start! "When all is said and done,there is a lot more said then done"L.Holtz.

These is just a relative transcript of the video. There are a lot more good things in the video,so you just have to watch it. Enjoy!

Butterflies and hurricanes

2009-01-06T15:27:00.000-08:00

I remember all my life still....and some things hurt less now....after all this time...i remember all so clearly...all the words,feelings,smiles and laughter...and the sweet adrenaline of the hunt..at times pure rush..others as deep and complex as the sea...stolen innocence...the pain...the disappointment, the forgetting...the forgiving....and finally the healing...the ability to look back to all that happened and just smile bitter-sweet...knowing you passed another "exam" on your way to adulthood. the amount of pain is irrelevant...it doesn't compare to the "high" you get feeling the same rush of the beginning over and over again..forever if possible...there will be always such a start...but are you ready to "face the music" in the end? After all,humans are like butterflies: born to die,having just a glimpse of utter bliss-we call it "life".

The old Christmas habits

2008-12-27T03:37:00.000-08:00

First of all I wish you,my reader,a merry merry Christmas full of love and light next to the people you care!

Since I was little,in my family there are some "Christmas habits":traditional food,family gathering at dinner,drinking 'boiled wine',taking pictures,decorating the tree and singing carols. Basically,enjoying the Christmas spirit. Well...i still miss the good old days,with lots of snow,enjoying a sleight ride with my brother from up the hill and ending up face down in a big pile of snow and branches...Back then we had a real Christmas tree..and the smell of it was for me the true smell of Christmas day.

I guess the most beautiful Christmas i remember happened when i was still young and innocent...and I believed in Santa Claus(Mos Craciun,Papa Noel,Babo Natale,whatever you want to call him).I woke up in the Christmas morning and I found under the tree heaven:toys,sweets,clothes...I was so happy,but still wondering how come Santa could carry so much on his back.

Now Christmas is more..commercial...for almost 3 years now(including this one) I've managed to save up enough money to buy everyone presents for Christmas.But the Spirit is almost gone now.No more snow,no more magic...not even live carols...it's just me singing along after a song on the computer...it's basically a day for eating with the family and just laying on your back..R&R.

I really miss those old Christmas days,the innocence and happiness they were bringing in my heart.

What do you miss during the Christmas/New Year's Eve season?

Freedom of spirit

2008-12-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

Lizzie West-Prayer

Lyrics:
"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that flow
I am the sunlight on my own grave

I am a gentle autumn rain
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight

do not stand at my grave and cry
do not stand at my grave and cry
do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there I did not die

(Spoken)
man as yet is half grown
Even his flower stem has not appeared yet
Hes all leaves and roots without a sign of stem in sight
Blossoming means establishing a new pure relationship with the cosmos
It is the sign of heaven.
Its the sign of a cobra.
Its the sign of a man who knows himself royally.
Crowned with the sun.
His feet gripping the earth as he goes.
We have arrived.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there I did not die.
I am not there I did not die."

based on the poem "Do not stand at my grave and weep" by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Arigato!

2008-12-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

For the past 6 months I've been a trainee buddy for a Japanese/American AIESEC-er called Masato Kan. In all this time there were happy moments,sad as well...frustration and excitement. Masato thought me a lot:responsibility(sometimes i felt like an "oya"(mother)for him),having fun,international communication,being more open to other country's tradtions and food. Arigato Masato for all this rich experience and I hope that it will go like in the saying"All's well that ends well"(with the Customs in Ro).

I will miss you,Toshiba(Mitzubisi etc) :-)!

See ya somewhere sometime!

Sayonnara!

The Bucket List

2008-12-15T01:04:00.000-08:00

Found this on Dey's blog,who found it on Sharon's Blog, who found it in Wan Xin's Blog and I decided to do it as well...

Copy the list below and bold all of the ones you have done.

1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby’s diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said “I love you” and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing (rock wall yes, rock no)
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don’t
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest (I didn't wear the costume.. just helped make it)
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway (or equivalent to your country) play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hotel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma
188. Built a campfire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter

Moderately free

2008-12-13T16:30:00.001-08:00

It all started with me watching the movie "The Duchess",about the life of the Duchess of Devonshire(more info about the movie here)...At one point, there is a scene in which the Duchess talks about freedom with a politician.He said that "we should have freedom,but moderately"(more or less).The Duchess(named Georgiana) disagreed,saying that "freedom cannot be moderate..it's like saying that you are moderately dead,or loved..freedom is absolute..it either exists,or doesn't."

Looking at the world today,I noticed that we didn't evolve much from the period of the Duchess of Devonshire (more or less XVIII century).We all ask for freedom of speech,we all have freedom of beliefs,or will...but in moderation...we aren't completely free..because this would cause chaos among the politicians,religious leaders....there wouldn't exist religions or creeds...meaning there wouldn't be any hope in a better you,me,world or future.

There is no such thing as absolute freedom for human beings...as there is no perfect world in which freedom and hope could coexist.

A good friend of mine was writing on his blog that religion is pointless....well...I have the tendency to disagree. Religion (Christian,Buddhist,Hindu or whatever) "speaks" of a merciful God and a better place in life or afterlife. In this day and age,only hope maintains Humanity at float. Faith exists everywhere..At one point in time,somewhere on Earth,a soldier in battle,prays that he may live to see his loved ones again,that they would be safe from the horrors he is facing. And that keeps him fighting and surviving.

My point is that freedom and faith are closely linked,but neither of them can and will ever become total.

The power of a song

2008-12-08T02:22:00.000-08:00

What is a song? A mix of music and lyrics..it can lack lyrics sometimes..then it's called instrumental.

A great song can touch the soul of the listener,can change moods..it can make you happy,or sad...or it can make you meditate.

Rare are the songs that can influence me deeply...actually I can count them on my fingers...
One of them it's sung by Leonard Cohen..it's called "Alexandra leaving".I think it's about deep love,a sad song about departure..and commitment..having someone next to you..to your heart
It touched me because it tells the story of my heart..I've spent most of my last years loving someone,enjoying time spent together,trusting in him..and then getting hurt..being disappointed..I'm just one disappointment away of giving up on loving someone..and I don't know if that is good or bad,for me at least...

I am happy of how my life is evolving now..of how I am...but at the same time,I am disappointed by life,by love..and ,the saddest,by people...Maybe it's just my fault...for being "blinded" by the huge potential of some people,and not seeing the way they actually are.

Through music I feed my soul,my mind with all the complex feelings and thoughts humans can conceive. It's like an addiction,like an obsession,but it feels blissful sometimes...so why cure it?